Ziarah

ATTENTION : You will need to click on the title of each article to read the full post, yang mana rasa macam tergantung..

Memori Tiga Pagi

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

I drove to Shah Alam the other day. It felt weird. One, that was my first time driving alone, hujan lebat, malam-malam, dkt tetengah Shah Alam. 
Two, one I only realised later. The nostalgia.

"Ooh, I've been here before lah..We had a sleepover sekali!"

--
"..That reminds me, did you get back in contact?"
"Eh?" Terkejut jap. "Why did you ask?"
"Nothing, you just mentioned earlier.. Did it still bother you..?"
Tarik nafas. Lepas.
I would never say bother, but how do you truly let go of someone you care about?

---
I thought about bumping into you but I also thought of how would we react if we did?
Is it gonna be a tight hug?
Is it gonna be a short warm meet up?
Or are we going to just nod and smile at each other?
Or are we going to... simply pass by one another?

--
I thought I've completely accepted the fact that I might not gonna see your name on my screen, ever again.
This emptiness at 3am is telling me I thought wrong.

---
They say the only way to heal is to not touch the wound.
I don't know if just letting it heal while knowing the wound comes from a huge rip-out, would help.
:/


That time I'm feelin... Generous

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Semalam nak hantar mak pi teman abah dialysis.
On the way ada Pesta Orkid (and other pokok bunga). Mak tengah duk menanam macam-macam jenis bunga ros, Sabar Roses collection katanya. Terapi mawar.

"Japgi berhenti singgah jap, mak nak beli ros siam. Tempat bunga mak ada kosong lagi." Hahah okay mem.

Teringat two of my previous clients, both of them nampak muda lagi, and diorg belanja parents utk renovate rumah dan tempah kitchen cabinet berpuluh ribu. Fiuhh, cek tak(belum) mampuuu lgi. And they are both single ladies in their late 20s early 30s.

And since pagi tu baru lepas belanja orang, why not malam ni belanja mak.... "Mak pilihlah mana nak, Aja..belanja, ni je mampu ahahah"

Balik mak was so happy dapat bunga ros purple dan oren.
"Tengkiuu." like a child getting new toys.


On the way ke hospital, dalam kereta, tiba-tiba mak cakap
"Haritu mak nampak ada sorang tu dia ckp dkt anak dia, "Habislah duit ibuuu. Habislahhh.""

Awh mummy's saying she's happy kita belanja dia. Huhuh padahal berapa ringgit je pun.

--
Harini kena hantar atok pi klinik kesihatan, biasanya Along yang pi. (I really don't like pi bank, pi klinik yang bersistem-sistem nak kena go through lepas meja ni ke meja tu then ke bilik ni and all that).
Sarung skirt over my kain batik, sweater over my short sleeves. Mcm biasa. Selekeh.

Habis session, it was still so early in the morning, lapaq and I got (less than) "twenty 'ringgit' in my pocckett" 🎶 ajaklah atok pi makan capati..
"Wan dah makan ke tok?"
"Takpalah bungkuih bg kat wan hang sama, dua keping roti canai.." Oraitt. No problemmmm. Oh teh dan air suam.

Then mak whatsapp;
"Sebelum balik nnt tlg belikan nasi lemak.." Alamak, bajet pagi ni lari.
"Roti canai nak tak?"
"Bolehlah kalau nak beli." *set dalam kepala at least RM10. Or maybe more. Takpalah, cukup, cukup.*

Tetiba atok bangun pi tgk lauk untuk makan tengahari... Atok mcm tak minat,
"Sebelah ni ada kedai lauk gak," I suggested. Lupa padahal ada berapa ringgit je lg.
"Takpa, duk makan capati dulu. Satgi kita pi tengok."

Bayar.
"RM6.50"
"Eh? Dah masuk sekali semua?" I don't know kira macam mana but okayy so ada bajet lebih untuk ke kedai sebelah.
I saw RM10 so if it's less than RM10 we're all good.

Pi kedai sebelah.
Atok tgk mcm nak semua lauk. Panas-panas lagi semua.
Kita dalam kepala dah fikir nak tinggal telefon ke IC ke, buat cagaran satgi mai balik bayaq ahahaha.
"Ikan ni buh kuah dia banyak sikit. Tokua ni dua ketui."
"Sayuq nak tak tok?" (in a failed penang dialect)
"Ha bolehlah."

Tetiba org kedai bwk keluo satu periuk baru sudah masak. "Asam pedaih ikan pari mau dak? Asam pedaih melaka." Atodddiaa.
"Bolehlah." Atok. Mmg kena tinggal fon ni 😂😂😂

Nak bayar.
"RM4..RM3.. RM2..bla bla." please cukup please cukup. Tapi still ready nak cagar fon.
"RM12." huhuhuhuhuh well I saw RM1 tadi and syiling baki roti canai tadi 50sen.
"Duit atok ada ni."
"Eh tak....pa.. *seluk poket jumpa syiling 50sen* ada, ada..!"

Cukup.
Cukup.

Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah saat-saat pengharapan total kepada Allah gitu. 

--
Balik rumah, "Alahai berapa keping je kakak beli. Eh nasi lemak takde? Igt beli tambahan roti canai tadi."

Akakakak shhs. Kita-kita je tahu. Sorry ya ummi ana pokai pagi ni.


😅😅
Sekian.

 
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