Year Two.
Taknak.
Taknak balik UIA lagi.
Taknak balik KAED lagi.
:'(
Setiap kali nak mula sem mesti takut.
Penatkan? Nak rasa macam ni.
Kali ni tak tahu kenapa tapi rasa sangat tak bersedia untuk teruskan semester ni.
Bak kata Aa, rasa nak cari invisible cloak.
Dulu hari yang taknak sangat-sangat pergi tadika bolehlah tidur (baca: buat-buat tidur) dalam kereta. Sekarang mana boleh dah. :'(
Main thing about design is to be able to please other people, that's sad. and tiresome. I know. Everybody knows that. Tapi yang sedihnya bila takmampu nak elak. It's always about the client, always about expectations. Always about the clash(es) of perspectives.
Takboleh nak lari, walaupun kita kata nak design untuk ummah, nak design untuk universal users, for the betterment of the world and what not, tapi tapi before anything nak kena lalu lecturer dulu. Ye ye o je cakap "You are the designer, I can only assist."
The truth is nak kena hadap critic session(s) dulu. Lecturer, manusia, ada hati. Kalau dah namanya hati, susceptible to changes. Hari ni cakap lain esok cakap lain. Hari ni paham macam lain design kita, assist bagi idea macam lain, esok faham lain, tukar lagi idea. Tah apa yang diorang faham tu sama ke tidak dengan yang kita faham pun tak tahu, dah namanya main dengan hati, main dengan akal, dengan persepsi.. benda-benda subjektif, bukan boleh dapat 100% macam skema jawapan. Salah faham, benda biasa.
Selalu mesti end up akan meroyan tetengah design stage: perah otak sampai kering,
"Apa yang brother nak sebenarnya???"
"Madam paham macam manaaaaaaa????"
"Tell me what else madam nak?"
"Brother bukan taknak macam ni ke?"
I can only achieve satisfaction when I get to see my design, my own objectives fulfilled. Kalau sesuatu design tu mainly semata-mata "layankan je lah" lecturer nak apa, memang takkan ada soul pun. Kalau ada pun cinonet je. Even the lecturers boleh perasan. Arts kan. It deals with your expression of intangible aspects, unto tangible medium. It deals with how you make other people see things.
One project,
"You punya progress sketch dah ok dah, I suka.. tapi bila final presentation, macam, tak bestlah, sister.. macam, lacking."
"Lacking macam mana tu, brother?"
"Dia macam, xde soul."
'Memang pun.' Angguk iakan. Betul pun. Bukan tak betul. My heart was not there.
Another one,
"You punya marker stroke dah ok dah, dah boleh guna dah. Tapi macam kurenng lah soul dia, sister.."
"Soul dah balik Penang dah, brother.." T.T yes i said that out loud. Final project kan. Soul balik dulu.
Masa portfolio day, lecturer yang tak mengajar kitorang akan datang assess projek2 sepanjang satu-satu sem tu, and one of them cakap, sambil lagi dua tiga orang angguk-angguk;
"Between these two, I can see you like this one better. It seems like you have more understanding and indulged into the concept better on this project compared to that one.."
"Well yeah, I actually did like that one better, madam.." Angguk. Walaupun mula-mula rasa macam yang dimaksudkan tu lagi payah nak derive a design solution, tapi yes, akhir-akhir tu kalau nak suruh present and justify the design, i'd be more comfortable to talk about it, kalau bandingkan dengan the other project.
Post-portfolio deliberation. Hm. Spot meh.
Pengajarannya, nak tak nak, live with it. The lecturers ada lagi banyak pengalaman, ye diorang bukan dewa tapi to some points layankan jelah, tapi jangan sampai tenggelam hati sebab in the end ada hati ke tak ada hati yang akan affect design kita. Tajdid niat, orang kata. Always.
Tapi setiap kali mula sem I have this one particular friend yang akan mesej panjang-panjang takut sama-sama tapi lepas tu sama-sama bagi kata-kata semangat untuk teruskan hidup 'macam ni.'
Since CFS.
Walaupun beliau ke Architecture, saya ke Applied Arts and Design.
Tapi sama-sama rasa lelah dia, sama-sama rasa penat dan malas dia,
sama-sama rasa bersyukur mampu survive setiap kali habis semester. Rasa tak percaya we went through all that bila pandang belakang.
"We'll get through this together, okay?
Tapi nanti awak grad dulu.. Kbai."
"Takpe, awak sentiasa dalam doa kita. InshaAllah.:)"
Mohon doa berpanjangan.
Semester Two.
Year Two.
Dapur beliau penuh dengan orang yang berminat nak belajar buat kek coklat tu. Penuh, sampai kat luar pun ada orang menjenguk2 nak belajar. Ada yang sampai berdiri sebelah chef tu sebab nak tengok dengan lebih dekat lagi. 
