"Peripatetic. For one who often travels on foot around the campus, one of the most treasured memories would be the drizzles and to be able to arrive just in time before the heavy pour. And those 'wattudu now stuck in the rain' moments. Or em, simply just got drenched kuyup sbb hujan lebat tetiba tak bg salam.
Memories once shared dearly with many but not anymore since not many wants to walk dah."
--
Had a surprise visit from a friend.
Haven't met for a while and the first question..
"Stressed?"
"Hahah... Does it show?"
"Em. You look.. bothered."
"... I cried myself to sleep last night."
"That explains." she nodded. "Things will work out."
"Sure. Thank you."
Silence.
"What happened?"
"...Rejected apologies."
"Ouch. What did you do?"
Shrugged. "Nevermind lah. Let's not talk about this." Not wanting to explain, I cried enough, not gonna cry anymore. And I don't want to put anyone else in the situation. That's just plain childish.
No wonder people ask me to stop saying sorry for everything.
"Bukan semua benda kat dunia ni tanggungjawab hang." and "Stop being so apologetic." and "Stop apologising. Just do what you have to do."
They say saying it a lot just makes it lose its worth. I never really get that, why would it be devalued if I know I'm being sincere, even for the littlest thing?
I guess I've learnt my part. Our values differ.
Now, please tell me what can I do, if this heart even apologises to mannequins and chairs for accidentally 'hitting' them? Even to walls and floors and doors? Let alone to breathing beings.
But it was rejected with a single blow of cold wind.
It was a prompt response, I understand.
It was not the first cold encounter, I've dealt multiple times, I understand.
And even more, it was rather brief.
Very brief.
Shouldn't be that big of a deal, Syaza.
But I don't understand why, this time,
I was scarred.
Deeply wounded.
And traumatised.
I am not exaggerating. I am scarred and scared.
What if I continue to hurt more people that they just had to reject future apologies and make me feel this again? I don't wanna feel this anymore.
In the whole rejection thing, the part of them rejecting is fathomable, they are the victim, but the part that it is I, I, that made them do it, is not fine.
The thought that I have done something and made someone listen to me profusely apologising, and thenn reject it - that part, I am not okay with.
And the thought that 'I'd be better off vanished before anymore disaster strikes', came back.
After so long they haven't said hi.
So hey there. I made new friends these past few years and I never wished to see you again.
Guess you're already here and there's nothing I can do about it.
Welcome back, guest.
An uninvited one.
Just don't shoo my friends away.
Once is enough. I can't afford more loss.
:(
Memories once shared dearly with many but not anymore since not many wants to walk dah."
--
Had a surprise visit from a friend.
Haven't met for a while and the first question..
"Stressed?"
"Hahah... Does it show?"
"Em. You look.. bothered."
"... I cried myself to sleep last night."
"That explains." she nodded. "Things will work out."
"Sure. Thank you."
Silence.
"What happened?"
"...Rejected apologies."
"Ouch. What did you do?"
Shrugged. "Nevermind lah. Let's not talk about this." Not wanting to explain, I cried enough, not gonna cry anymore. And I don't want to put anyone else in the situation. That's just plain childish.
---
I knew what exactly has happened, I was aware of what could be my total fault, I was ready to take the full blame. I was bothered, yes, but what bothered me more, was the rejection.No wonder people ask me to stop saying sorry for everything.
"Bukan semua benda kat dunia ni tanggungjawab hang." and "Stop being so apologetic." and "Stop apologising. Just do what you have to do."
They say saying it a lot just makes it lose its worth. I never really get that, why would it be devalued if I know I'm being sincere, even for the littlest thing?
I guess I've learnt my part. Our values differ.
Now, please tell me what can I do, if this heart even apologises to mannequins and chairs for accidentally 'hitting' them? Even to walls and floors and doors? Let alone to breathing beings.
---
Genuinely begged to let me help, like what can I do to make it up to them. I knew it had happened and is forever impossible to undo it. I was so very ready to take the full responsibility that follows.But it was rejected with a single blow of cold wind.
It was a prompt response, I understand.
It was not the first cold encounter, I've dealt multiple times, I understand.
And even more, it was rather brief.
Very brief.
Shouldn't be that big of a deal, Syaza.
But I don't understand why, this time,
I was scarred.
Deeply wounded.
And traumatised.
I am not exaggerating. I am scarred and scared.
What if I continue to hurt more people that they just had to reject future apologies and make me feel this again? I don't wanna feel this anymore.
In the whole rejection thing, the part of them rejecting is fathomable, they are the victim, but the part that it is I, I, that made them do it, is not fine.
The thought that I have done something and made someone listen to me profusely apologising, and thenn reject it - that part, I am not okay with.
And the thought that 'I'd be better off vanished before anymore disaster strikes', came back.
After so long they haven't said hi.
So hey there. I made new friends these past few years and I never wished to see you again.
Guess you're already here and there's nothing I can do about it.
Welcome back, guest.
An uninvited one.
Just don't shoo my friends away.
Once is enough. I can't afford more loss.
:(
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