How would I live without you?

I was on a call with Aliaa, my best friend since high school.

We talked for hours and hours and hours and Aliaa ended the topic with

"Caje, thank you so much.

How would I live without you?"

Tersentak.

"No, Aliaa please don't say that."

"I'm serious...how ca..."

"...please don't, Aliaa. It reminds me of someone who said the same thing once."

Someone who said they owe me their life.

Someone I thought would stay.

And they didn't.

It's not the person I am trying to forget, that is impossible.

I just don't want to be reminded of the heartache.

I can't bear the same kind of pain anymore. I know some people are not meant to stay forever although I do hope they would, but at least if they have never said that, I think I would be more accepting of it... if it were to happen again.

That wasn't the first time someone said it and I would feel the immediate reflex to dodge the phrase. Kinda sad that this is also indirectly affecting my relationship with other people. Am I that traumatised, even my own best friend could not say it.

"I'm sorry, Caje. Ok let me put it this way. I really appreciate your existence, your insight, in this. Please know that I am really thankful for the time you spent wih me tonight, I really love you and I am very grateful to Allah for that."

---

It has been years. This heart should have healed, or so I thought.

Even just hearing their name made my heart skip a beat.

Allahu yusahhil alaina.

Allahul musta'an.

Allahu ya ghaffur.

Allahu ya latif.