The calm in the chaos

"You're so calm," kata kebanyakan orang.

Terutama dalam situasi tegang dan penuh amarah.

As a student bertekak dengan lecturer, dengan top management, even dkt IPG kahkah, as a designer when people keep amending, as a cikgu to a point my LDO said "You were like the calm in the chaos" when she was observing my lesson, or when my laptop went blank during a live session, pernah juga dgn pakcik lori yang trying to intimidate me lepas dia langgar kita... even my wan said "Kau kan sabar dengan budak." You get it lah. In situations where anger is expected, I seem to not be bothered.

I often just respond with a smile and agree with it when I really am not and I don't understand how/why people would see me that way.

Had a conversation earlier today where I learned that I was indeed, at that moment, feeling angry - like I was being provoked, or annoyed that things didn't go the way I planned, frustrated that I wasn't able to provide answers, skeptical and disappointed of the answers I heard, I was being protective so I wouldn't hurt anyone including myself - but people seeing me differently doesn't invalidate the storm inside. 

I remember Aina used to say it could be because of my deep, sometimes monotonous, voice lol. Not that emotionless afterall ey. Haha